The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
