he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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