I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
