playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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