Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
