Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
