What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
how drunk are you?
Several
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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