Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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