i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
