Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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