i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
