the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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