Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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