You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
