So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
