Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
