wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
