I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
