remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
