i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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