I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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