i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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