To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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