Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
