Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
