THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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