just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She bit a glass in half.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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