My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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