I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
