Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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