she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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