Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
