I wish I only lived at night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
