How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
