3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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