You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
