you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
