Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
