Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Someone came in the potted fern
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
