So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
