why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
