apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize