have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
