I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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