I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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