So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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