ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
NoShamevember. You game?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
