you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
