his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
