You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
