Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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