I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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