ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
