u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize