so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize