I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am available for nakedness
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