Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to sanitize my soul.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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