wrigley field is MILF paradise
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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