Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
