have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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