Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
