3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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