I am puke
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
