looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
