tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
