i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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