If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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