11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
