she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
