I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
