I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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