Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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