this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
