Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
