She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
