I'm jealous of your bromance
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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